Mixed feelings about posting today.
My energy is sapped because of this silly back ordeal
I've been going through. I'm not sure if it was the fear of how
bad it was going to hurt when the doctor removed the "wick" from my hole
left by the removal of the cyst or the poor sleep due to finding a comfortable
position to lay down to sleep in? Or the idea that I have to go back every other day
for as long as it takes for this hole to "fill in"/heal to have this "wick removal and replacement" done
over and over again.
Okay, it hurts a little bit for a short amount of time when she is doing it.
It does not continue to hurt afterwards.
It's a little bit hard finding a comfortable position to sit leaning back on it
when talking to clients at work.
But this is NOT A BIG DEAL.
I am ashamed at even talking about it, it is so minuscule in the greater scheme of things
that others SUFFER in life. Believe me this warrants not a post, nor a oh so sorry for you, or anything
of that sort.
But it is what is paramount on my mind right now
and as I was skimming pictures
this drawing /self portrait seemed to say a lot about
my crazy feelings!
I wish you all a GREAT DAY!
Fear of the unknown can create havoc with our minds and thus our body suffers too. She did cut into your body and it does need some healing time and energy goes into that too. You're probably not sleeping well due to fear of doing something to the wound and it having to take longer to get better.
ReplyDeleteSo I think it is natural what you are going thru. You are just not used to it due to all that energy you usually have. that most of us wish we had. :) I LOVE the drawing of you. You do have a sense of humor still.. Hang in there.
As you know, that kind of fear can be paralyzing. When I get like this I find that doing art-any kid of art- will replace the fear in your mind and occupy with something fun and good.
ReplyDeleteAnd soon it will all be behind you (said Teri with tongue in cheek)
Last August I had to cut my annual holiday short because the first day there i developed an abscess in a cyst I had had for 3 years. I had to have it cut into to be drained, under local anaesthetic, done by a very junior Doctor who had never incised and drained an abscess before. It hurt. A lot. I tried not to scream as I was in the middle of A&E at the time and didn't want to upset other patients. It took 4 weeks for it to heal, 2 lots of antibiotics to clear the infection away and it still itches now. I had several sleepless nights because I couldn't find a comfortable to sleep in and didn't enjoy the cleaning and dressing changes every other day at all. It has now healed, I have an interesting scar on my back that students comment on during the life classes I model for. You have all of my sympathy and empathy, I know what you are going through. You are not over reacting to this. It is painful, uncomfortable and worrying. Use your energy to get well, not berate yourself for having feelings. No-one thinks you are a wimp, or a complainer. And anyone who does has no empathy and isn't really helping you get over this. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am awful about the Dentist...Pain is pain, and the unknown is always in the back of the mind...at least it is for me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I go to the Dentist this coming Mondy...OH NO!
Just know we care, and that we understand!!!
The Land of Sandra Dee was sent to me by a friend ages ago. I was going through some papers and there it was. I could hardly wait to share it. Auther unknown...
So please do take it and have loads of fun with it. I love that you enjoyed it!!!
Hugs, Mary
lynn, this sounds dreadful and never apologize for your feelings..you are entitled to feel however you feel. take care of you, my dear!
ReplyDeleteDear Lynn, I do not totally understand what it is that hurts. But I do understand that it is uncomfortable, painful and goes with fear. And I can see the happy face of your self portrait. A face I have in mind when thinking of you. I hope the pain will go away soon, so you feel like smiling again.
ReplyDeleteA big hug for you!
Corryna
You have every right to complain. What ever it takes to get well do it. My DB had this done some years ago. It isn't a cake walk. You will get better. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI know we feel guilty complaining sometimes about what seems to be a small matter in the scheme of bigger things. (cyst vs. cancer for example) But here's the deal. We do have the right to voice when we're not feeling well because what you're going through has changed your routine, your sleep and your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI know you'll heal in whatever time your body asks you for. Allow it, guilt free. Hopefully pain free soon too :)
hang in there Lynn. Thank goodness you have an awesome husband who'll get you what you need. I know Henry would too if he could!
XXXX
Well it looks like this cyst got your attention. Ouch. I hate it when I 'have' to go to the doctor. I would doubly hate it if I didn't know when I was going to be able to stop. And then you are not getting the sleep you need. People are still coming and you have to put on your outside 'Lynn' for everyone else.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing what pain can do and how it effects our life and the lives of those around us. I am so glad this is not going to be forever.
I just thought it would be fun if you would draw a cartoon of this 'cyst' ( I am sure you have an idea of what such a pain in the ....where ever it is...looks like). Maybe even drawing the hole...and as meditation you could imagine it getting smaller and smaller every day or during the day hours. This might help you to heal faster. Couldn't hurt worst for it, I imagine.
Pain can sometimes help us focus in a creative way just so that we can distract ourselves.
Take care of yourself.
I dont hear what your are saying as complaining. I hear it as sharing where you are now, in the present moment. In your fears and suffering, you touch us all who also have had fears and pain and suffering. That you can share your thoughts and feelings helps us to be able to express our own stories.
ReplyDeleteNo suffering is small, all "small" sufferings are a microcosm of the larger macrocosm. They unite us as humans as do expressions and feelings of joy.
Sending you healing thoughts and blessings. This sounds like a longish process to go through.
By the way: hairwashing? Still hard? Washing the hair at the sink avoides water dripping down. Wrap wet hair in towel and stand up. Although maybe bending forward hurts?
Your self portrait tells it all...even in the midst of trouble, fear and pain...you are moving forward...keeping yourself positive and grateful for everything and everyone in your life! You are a true inspiration to a lot of folks, I'll tell you that!!!
ReplyDeleteKep on keepin on, Lynn!!!
xoxo- JUlie
Sorry you weren't feeling well, but happy to read in a later post your energy is back!
ReplyDeleteTake care!