Monday, August 2, 2010

Unpacking Memories = Emotions

I am learning that this house renovation is more than new floors and shiny shower doors. It is also a process of going through and SEEING my whole lifetime of events, my personal history being unveiled like the layers of an onion through photos and journals, books, old letters and so on. Perhaps this is what one experiences after a loved one dies and you go through their belongings. But I am getting to see my own past lives unfold and it is a mixture of happy and sad, funny and not so funny, all mixed in with being overly tired from all the work involved, fear this will never have an end, the messes will never go away, and feelings of who do I think I am being able to have this beautiful space in which to live when people in Pakistan are suffering through a flood with many losses of lives and people in Russia doing the same from wild fires? Needless to say I somehow got through yesterday, all the emotions staying inside as I read some of a collection of letters I had written home from Israel in 1961 (in my early 20's) to my family about my exploits there that lasted until 1966; rummaged through photos from infancy to now and all OUR LIFE in between; early letters from dh; something about seeing ourselves when we were young makes us realize how old we are now...which in itself is a lot to grasp;
the once clean family room now strewn with books waiting to be put somewhere...
finally bringing in bins to sort through and consolidate art materials for easy access for future projects
like I said it is more than nice new is an eye opening, heart expanding, walk through past to present...and what an experience to be doing it with my partner and finding that even at something as trying at times as this is we work as a pretty darn good team.
A funny aside: When I told DH that I was feeling what I was feeling and feeling like crying, he looked at me and said: "Are you on your period?" Okay, it's only funny if you know that I haven't had one in over ten years! ;-)
(the first photo is one of two bookends that were my mother's...she had them when she went away to college in 1929. And one more aside, my 16 yr old grand daughter leaves for college this week!)


  1. What a sweet post...You gave me "chill bump nostalgic tears" throughout and left me with "happy tears of laughter" at the end. :) I can totally relate to this process you are unveiling of a lifetime! What a treasured life you rich in they sweet or bittersweet...they have made you the Lynn we all cherish...Blessings! :)

    OMG!!!! MY word verification for today is: "unest" (I read it as "Un..nest!" WOWZERS!)

  2. I was so touched by this post and how outside events touch all of us so deeply. You made such a good point. Of course, I had to smile at the living room that is no longer clean.

  3. Of course I have missed 3 weeks of posts, so sounds like most of the renovations are done and you are moving back in. Interesting to read your reaction to sorting through all your pasts, reading your own words and others. All of this sounds pretty emotion laden, from the dislocation of your old home into the new, to the sorting through the past, to the feelings on not deserving this luxury when compared to many in the world.

    But you were born here (I think) and have done much hard work to arrive where you are today. I am glad to think you will have a beautiful room to work in, as your work often reflects other's worlds too. It is not a small, but a large vision. Namaste, Suki

  4. I can identify somewhat with your reading old letters etc. I found an old diary of mine from 1972-73 and read it one day. I had mixed emotions regarding this. Sigh~~ Sometimes I don't like to look that far back. Your house is gorgeous and of course you deserve it. Don't sit there and try to tell yourself you don't because you do. You have worked hard for this. Your DH deserves this too. It is ok to cry too. You probably need to since you have been working so hard. It will all be put to rest soon and you will be back on the sewing machine making yourself (and others) happy.

  5. Yes you do deserve your beautiful space Lynn. Wading through the past can be wonderful, but also draining. It's not surprising you are feeling overwhelmed.

    When it's all sorted you will be able to sit back and enjoy all you have created.

  6. Not much more I can say that everyone elses hasn't said already. I did all that when we moved here. What a stressful time that was having to sort and pack to move far away and to see all that right after losing my last parent. So I understand how you felt. But you are one terrific person so it got you to this point in your life.

  7. Don't feel bad about enjoying a lovely home. I get that way sometimes too. You not enjoying it will not make change in their circumstances. An old boyfriend sent me some pics of when we had dated, WOW did that bring back some memories - some good, some not so good and some that made me very glad he broke up with me and I now have my super wonderful husband!

  8. Your 16 year old granddaughter leaves for college??? Isn't she kinda young??? How far away will she be? Oh goodness. (I am a worry wart)!!! :)

    You will get everything put away eventually, let's pray!!!

    Sounds like you and DH were a match made in haeven, and still are!!!

  9. Men...
    I can tell you from experience, the messes will end. I will take a lot of time and hard work though before this happens.
    I think you do not have to feel guilty about living in a nice home while people in other countries are victims to natural disasters. The only thing you can do is live as frugal and environmentally friendly as possible, thus not adding the least possible to the enhanced greenhouse effect and the global warming that goes with it, which probably has to do a lot with those disasters happening in the first place.


Thanks for leaving your comments as I love hearing from you. Your words of encouragement are why I continue to draw!